Friday, August 03, 2007

Empty Nest

I can never seem to have my emotions at the right time.

When The Rationalist started Kindergarten a couple of years ago, nary a teardrop was found in my eye. He gave us a hug, went into his class and we all walked home. Instead, two weeks before his first day of school, I went through two days of regret, worry and sadness. I wondered if I had prepared him enough for being part of a large group for six hours a day. I felt badly that I had always looked forward to his starting school, easing the work for me at home. I mourned the loss of his personality throughout the day. Mother guilt overwhelmed me.

After those couple of days, I was fine. We cheerily bought school supplies and uniforms for his big day. When it finally arrived, we smiled and congratulated him on becoming such a big boy while weeping parents ambled away from the school, red-faced and and sorrowful.

School starts in 17 days. Intuitive Monkey will finally be in Kindergarten and my nest will be empty. I am a wreck. Have I been a good enough mother? Could I have been better? Now that I am handing both of my children over to other people for a huge chunk of the day, will our relationship stay the same? What the heck am I supposed to do with my life now?

I'll be OK. We'll shop for school supplies and uniforms. We'll tell him he is such a big boy and congratulate him. We'll cheerily drop him off while first-time mothers are gulping down their silent sobs. We'll move into a new phase of life.

I'll be OK.


Anonymous said...

I've been reading over your blog, realy enjoying it! I like your writing style...after reading your most recent post, I have to ask you, have you ever considered, I mean seriously considered homeschooling?
I truly believe that the relationship between parent & child changes in an unnatural way when children are in the care of (& influenced by!) others all day long! Not to mention the peer-dependance they form to survive the transition...
...homeschoolnig my daughter has been the best decision I ever made for her & I, & it's one I'm always thankful I made.
There's a lot of support available, it's not something you'ld do totally on your own, & the rewards are incredible...
I pray you'll at least consider it, for the sake of your sons...

terri said...

Thanks for stopping by.

I have known many home-schooling families and support them in their decision. I have no negative feelings toward it whatsoever, and always hold that in my mind as something I would do if I felt my children weren't getting the education they needed, or school was becoming detrimental to them emotionally or spiritually.

That being's not something I feel called to do at this time. I have seen great, Christian kids come from public school and homechooling experiences.

However, I appreciate your comment. I know from personal experience that Homeschooling families love what they do so much, that they can't help to communicate the blessing it has been to them.