Sunday, April 22, 2007

Me, Mom Detective

I got the call at 7:00 am. Two members of the local gang had been spotted. I quickly got in the patrol car and drove to the location, a seedy club on the wrong side of town called, The Bedroom.

It was obvious there was a tough crowd here.

Entering slowly, I saw the two perps with their beady little eyes shining. They bristled as I walked in, shifting nervously and exchanging worried looks. They were dressed only in their gang colors, bright blue and red Superman underwear.

"So, I got a call that there was some trouble in the neighborhood, " I said.

"No way, man. People, just trying to harass us. We're just hanging out, " the first perp said with outrage.

"What about you?" I said as I looked over perp number two.

"Well...He hurt accident though!"

"Really? What happened?...a gangfight....a dispute over territory...was he disrespecting you?" I asked.

"Well, you see....I was over on his bed and..."

"Wait, did you just say you were on his bed during morning curfew hours?"


"I see. That's breaking law 342.1 of section B. Please....continue."

"OK. So, I was over there and we were wrestling...."

I interrupted him,"Oh so you were breaking law 56.99 of section A58 too...huh?"

"Um...yeah. Anyway, he made me bump my head on the dresser!"

Perp one spoke excitedly,"But he tried to grab me like this!!" He put his hands around his neck and squeezed. "He almost chokeded me!"

I gave perp two my sternest glare, "Is that right? Did you try and hurt him on purpose?"

He fidgeted nervously.

" wasn't necessarily on purpose. I mean, my hands were there and all, but it was kind of like an accident."

"Oh, really? How exactly do you choke someone on accident?" I asked pointedly.

He hemmed and hawed for a minute.

"Like I said, it wasn't necessarily on accident....I mean....on purpose."

"Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard enough. You're going downtown. You've got one call. You better make it a good one!"

I loaded the suspect into the patrol car and booked him later in the day.

Solitary confinement, loss of electronic privileges.

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