Total Body Disintegration Now Available In A Variety Of Flavors

I came across this story while perusing the news and upped my husband's life insurance policy. It turns out that soda is very, very bad for your cells and DNA.

Despite his otherwise healthy appearance, he has been consuming large quantities of poison soda. When his cell membranes disintegrate and he lies on the floor, a mushy pool of amino acids, I will sadly tell him, "I told you so!"

A Cheesy, Rhyming Ode To My Husband

A not-so-serious attempt to immortalize my husband in very bad, rhyming couplets! ;-)


The warmth and love my heart had felt,
as you changed our broken vacuum belt,
and replaced the leaking toilet flapper,
dressed in clothing oh so dapper,
reminded me of who I chose,
to face the many highs and lows,
upon the unknown path we tread,
with kids and bills and constant dread,
of home repairs and busted lights,
of long, hard days and sleepless nights
love alone our binding tether,
the duct-tape of our lives together.

Please don't revoke my English degree! Poor Shakespeare is ripping his ears off in his grave.

Strengths?

My senior year in high school I was part of a Junior Achievement group for my economics class. We worked with a local businessman in putting together a project for our class to raise money. It was supposed to be a lesson in small business. I don't remember much about the project, or how much money we raised. I don't even remember the name of the businessman, or what his specific position was, but I do remember one thing he said: "A person's greatest strength is also their greatest weakness."

I have seen that proverb play out many times in my life.

When faced with the downfall of Christian leaders, those unknown to me and those known intimately, I have pondered that statement. The same charismatic personalities that draw people to themselves, like a bright light attracting moths, seem destined to be burned by their own brightness.

The desire to make people happy and appease them, at it's best leads to a connected, effective leader; at its worst it cripples the leader and puts him/her at the mercy of the congregation's whims. Those motivated to do something great for God can move massive amounts of people to action, but often lose their way amidst the riches and adoration poured out upon them. Those who have a sympathetic heart and an ability to feel the pain of others, can succumb to relationships that are outside of healthy boundaries.

I suffer from the same paradox of strength. Being a good judge of a character has rescued me from many possible catastrophes, along with God's grace, but is a depressing ability to have as I realize that most people, myself included, are sorely lacking.

My prayer is that God would remove the cynicism, that is so rightly earned, and replace it with faith that He can overcome our weaknesses and our strengths.

What's the strength that you posess that is also a vulnerable spot?

Reminders Of My Age

Old, Eighties power rock blaring on the radio as we pull into a parking space.

The Rationalist: "I really like that song!"

Intuitive Monkey: "Yeah..me too!"

Me: "I used to listen to that song when I was your age."

Intuitive Monkey: "WOW! That song is reaallly old!"

Apparently, I have one foot in the grave, and it's wearing a pink, canvas, Converse sneaker.

Confusion In Christianity

The front page of our local paper has devoted recent headlines to exposing problems in a large church, in our area, that has a very famous husband and wife team. She is on Christian TV constantly, they have done an infomercial together, and there are various other places where you might come across their faces.

Televangelists always evoke a cringing feeling in me, especially those of the "health and wealth" type. I feel bad as I think negative thoughts about them, trying to remind myself that God can use all kinds of people and ways to reach the lost, yet suspicion and misgiving lurk beneath the surface of my thoughts.

It is hard to reconcile all that is done in the name of Christianity with actual Christianity. Very often, the truth gets invaded by half-truths and outright lies, resulting in a tangled mess that the average Christian is left to pick through, looking for the thread of truth that still remains, uncorrupted and pure. If simply picking out correct doctrine and practices were all that there was to it, even that would be manageable. However, for every doctrinal issue there are groups of people attached to them. Refuting error quickly becomes refuting people, which quickly leads to defensiveness, hurt feelings, anger, and accusations.

How do Christians form a cohesive community in the face of bad doctrine, charismatic personalities, and the fragility of being flawed humans?

I'll be writing several posts exploring my own experiences and questions about this over the next few days. Feel free to chime in.

87 Days

This was the first morning, in a long time, that I haven't had to be up by 6:30 am, groggy-eyed, stumbling around in the kitchen, looking for something to scrape together for breakfast for two boys who must have circadian rhythms that shoot adrenaline through their systems at the first glimmer of dawn. Instead, I slept 'til 7:00. Half an hour makes all the difference.

School is out for summer. Those words strike fear in many stay-at-home moms. Long hours that must be filled, hopefully without the necessity of letting them deteriorate 60% of their brains by watching endless hours of TV. It can seem a little daunting.

Despite the treacherous terrain of two small boys + lots of free time, I'm looking forward to his summer. Intuitive Monkey starts Kindergarten in August, and I will officially have accomplished my goal of being home at least until they were school age. This is the home stretch and I want enjoy every moment of it. Trips to the beaches, bike-riding, a few camping trips, and visiting relatives with a pool--that's what most of this summer will be.

87 days to spend with children who are becoming people that I actually like to do things with.

It'll be gone before I know it.

Blog Linking

I had my first request to exchange links with another blog.

It fills me with mixed emotions.

Initially, I was flattered, patting myself on the back that I was so witty and thoughtful and good-looking and perfect in every way. I mean, who could not want to link to me, right? There are probably thousands of bloggers just dying for the chance to be associated with me. They just are too intimidated by my overwhelming, blogging brilliance to actually approach me. We must give the people what they want. Millions are languishing without the chaotic, random, and utterly mundane writing featured here. They need a Wheat Among Tares infusion...STAT! (i don't really know what stat means when they say that on medical shows...it seem to mean right now ...but then why not say now?...less letters, same amount of syllables....is it just an ego trip to indicate that now is too common to be used by someone who has spent $100,000 dollars on a medical degree?....but anyway)

So, I guess I will venture into the whole linking blogs, please come visit my site, notice me, notice me, notice me neuroses that was bound to overtake me at some point. Why fight it? It's for the good of the people.

Then, I started thinking about how I would decide who to link to. I don't want a free-for-all here. I came up with a few preliminary rules.

1. No links to blogs about how to murder your family in their sleep.
2. No links to blogs whining about the unfairness of unrequited, teenage love. Especially if you're not actually a teenager yourself....because then instead of simply being whiny.....you're creepy.
3. No links to blogs that are clearly written only when the medication wears off.
4. No links to blogs about how the government is secretly in cahoots with the face-sucking aliens that are covertly running the world from the confines of Area 51...sorry Rosie. (see #3)
5. No links to blogs in which the blogger seems unable to put together a sentence without using f@#! at least 100 times. (see #3)
6. If naked people are prominently featured...sorry..no link...unless it's really funny...nope, not even then.
7. If your blog is really just a series of long, depressing ramblings about your hate for the world and everyone in it...no link. (see #3)
8. If you secretly mock me on your blog...no link...I have family for that.

So, if your blog can make it through the gauntlet of strict guidelines set forth in the above rules, leave me a comment and we'll see what we can do.

*said blogger makes no guarantee, warranty or promises to feature prospective bloggers. offer expires 5/23/2009. Rules not applicable in Hawaii, Uzbekistan, and Greenland.
No purchase necessary....though one would be greatly appreciated.

Seven Years In The Making

Seven years ago, I passed out from a seizure brought on by eclampsia. Luckily, it happened as I entered the Emergency Room with your father, although luck had nothing to do with it. God had protected you and me.

You entered the world almost seven weeks early, only 3 pounds and 8 ounces of tiny humanity. I was not awake to see your tiny hands and feet, to count your number of toes, and wonder who you looked like as I gazed at you. That first day of your life has been completely erased from my memory by the wonders of general anesthesia and blood pressure that had sky-rocketed to astronomical heights.

You arrived in dramatic style, sure to let us know what was to come. God watched over your miniature body. Three weeks in the NICU, yet you were completely healthy. I cried the first time I saw you, not out of worry, but out of gratefulness that you were safe, that God had kept you guarded in his hand.

As you grow and become ever more the person you were meant to be, I pray that God will continue to guard your heart and your steps.

We love you! Happy Birthday!

Aaack...Another Home Repair We Can't Afford!

We have repaired this washer at least 3 times at the cost of about $100 each time. Now, the same thing is wrong with it again, no agitation, no spinning...the motor is shot.

So, even though I don't have the readership of A-list bloggers, what the heck, maybe someone will happen across my blog and be willing to help us repair, or purchase a new washer. After all, we certainly don't have the money to fix it right now.

So, donate to the cause. If you do, I'll send you a new pair of socks, freshly laundered, all for the low donation price of $15.00. Or, if you want to donate to keep my family from smelling soiled and dank, but don't want to just donate money, then check out my business Earthen Vessel Designs and buy some beautiful jewelry for someone you love, or like, or can stand to be in the same room with....heck, buy it for someone you hate for all I care. Just help me fix the piece of junk I have, or help me on my way to a new one! :-)

The state of our cleanliness depnds on it!

And yes, I am for real. We really do need a working washing machine.

Party Guests

Luke 14:16-24

Jesus replied: "A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests.
At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, 'Come, for everything is now ready.'
"But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, 'I have just bought a field and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.'
"Another said, 'I have just bought five oxen and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.'
"Still another said, 'I just got married, so I can't come.'
"The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, 'Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town
and bring in the poor, the crippled, and the lame.'
" 'Sir,' the servant said,'what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.'
"Then the master told his servant, 'Go out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in , so that my house will be full. I tell you not one of those men who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.' "

Many guests were invited; they all made excuses not to come.

We had a similar happening here this weekend. My son invited 19 of his classmates to a birthday party and no one came. This was not a huge surprise. Over the past nine months, my son has been invited to several parties for his classmates. He has gone to each one. Every time I take him, we are usually the only ones who show up. Sometimes one other person from his class might be there. Luckily, there are usually relatives of the birthday child or neighbors that are at these parties, except for the very first one we went to in the fall. We were the only ones to show up to that one; no relatives and no neighbors because the family had just moved here.


So, we did what Jesus taught in this parable. We hunted up neighbor children, that hadn't originally been invited, and asked if they would like to come over to The Rationalist's party. Right then. In that moment. With no preparation. We went to the "second string" because the starting players hadn't shown up. These children weren't "second string" because there was something wrong with them or we disapproved of them. My son simply didn't have as strong of a relationship with them. He only sees and plays with them every once in a while, as opposed to his classmates that he sees and interacts with every day. We have a small house and could only invite so many people. I thought 19 was quite enough, even knowing that many wouldn't come.


Like the master in the parable, I was a little peeved at the original invitees. We had offered them a chance to come and partake in a fun day with food, cake, games, and fellowship. They were all too busy to avail themselves of our gracious offer. Yet, we found others who were willing to drop whatever expectations they might have had for the day and spend it with us. They woke up that morning, expecting nothing, only to be surprised by a fun day full of treats and good times.


We lived out one of Jesus's parables.


It gives me a new view of those who are too busy to take the gracious gifts He offers and those who are ready to come; expecting nothing, yet gaining everything.

PMS is a B@#*h

Especially, when you're supposed to be getting the house spotless for an upcoming birthday party in T-minus 20 hours, for which you still have to pick up the cake, decorations, ...and oh yeah...some presents for the actual birthday person, and there looms a distinct possibility that no one will actually show up for this party--for which you are going to have to go through all this effort....AND... that makes you mad for your son who has attended many classmates' birthday parties, usually being one of only two people who show up to these other parties....AND....even though you know that it's just hormonal fluctuations making you insane, irritable, and reducing your thinking capacity to that of a 98 year-old, Alzheimer's patient who is on Valium, it still isn't enough to stop the crazy monkeys creating chaos in your head.

*sigh*

Childhood Remembrances

Ahhh.....The Classics.

As I picked up the Rationalist from school, he began to excitedly tell me about this new game he learned. His eyes twinkled and shone as his smiling lips poured out the juicy details of his latest educational achievement.

Rationalist: " OK.. you say someone's name and then you say someone else's name...like 'so and so' and 'so and so.' Do you understand?"

Me: "uhhh...I'm not sure. Explain it to me."

Rationalist: "OK....'so and so' and 'so and so' are in this tree...you see?"

Me: "mmm hmm"

Rationalist: "Well then you go.... ," pause for thinking "You go, 'so and so' and 'so and so'.... sitting in a tree....K-I-S-S-I-N-G...first comes love....then comes marriage....then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" breaking into mischievous laughter

Ah yes....childhood poetry at its finest.

26 years later and that rhyme is being used as much as when I was his age. Who says you can't rely on oral tradition for accuracy?

Is Atheism Stuck In The Present?

I can't seem to escape atheism lately. It's on my TV, in the magazines I read, and proliferating online.

While blog-surfing the other day I clicked on a link that gave no indication that it was an atheist blog. Reading through the posts and comments was interesting, and I responded to one of them. One of the other commenter's statements set a tangential thought through my brain. He was expressing frustration that, when discussing atheism and evolution with non-atheists, things always come back to Ultimate Origins. He wanted the conversation to take place from The Big Bang and go forward from there. Well, there are a lot of reasons why that is simply ridiculous. You can't argue scientifically from a set of assumed facts that you haven't justified. I addressed some of my thoughts about The First Cause problem for atheists in an earlier post.

However, thinking about this commenter's remark, I realized the atheists' aversion to the past and the future. That may seem a silly assertion to make when considering atheists' attachment to evolution, the geologic record, and The Big Bang theory. After all, isn't the past the point from which most of their arguments are made?

Yes and no.

They do rely heavily on what they believe about the past formation of Earth and Life on Earth, but their arguments do not address the true beginning of the past--First Cause. Dwelling on the beginning of all things is uncomfortable because they have no scientific explanation for it. Instead, they begin to join the conversation in medias res.

So, why do I say that they also have an aversion to contemplating the future? It seems another silly statement when considering atheistic contributions to science fiction and speculations about what might happen to Earth and humanity in the future. They seem to look forward to the continuing evolution of man.

Yes, but the future is not solely about what will happen, but about where things are going. Evolutionists believe that natural selection is a process that is random and operates with no forethought or intelligence directing it. In this view, mutations and adaptations are meant for the here and now, not preparation for a different set of circumstances that will occur 50-100 years later. There is no "gearing-up" for the future of a species. To admit that mutations take the future into consideration would be to admit that something, other than physical matter, was operating. The ability to predict a set of circumstances that hasn't yet occurred, requires forethought and higher intelligence. While atheists would concede that humans possess the ability to speculate and accurately predict some future events, that is seen as a higher function that has evolved within us. If we go back into the past and try to assign that higher function to lower life forms or to a cellular level, evolutionists would be quick to attempt to obliterate such thoughts.


The past and the future are what give events meaning. The fact that we started somewhere, and are headed somewhere else, is what defines the Journey. But, of course, atheists would deny that there is any meaning to humanity's journey. Meaning implies purpose. Purpose implies intention. Intention can only come from a higher intelligence. Thus, to dwell too profoundly on where everything came from and where everything is going, would be uncomfortable for those who are assured in their own hearts that there is no Higher Intelligence.

Any opinions about this?

P.S....I am an evangelical Christian, but all of my posts about Atheism are being dealt with purely from a point of reason. I am not quoting Scripture, or trying to prove anything from the Bible, simply because it would be meaningless to someone who doesn't even believe there is such a thing as God.

Future Politician

Awww...isn't this a cute picture of Intuitive Monkey's construction abilities?


No, it's not. It is actually a symbol of rebellious defiance of parental authority. Really.

Intuitive Monkey loves Tinker Toys. He constructs endless robots, spaceships, and these things that he calls "x"-men and "y"-men. They fly through the house, waging inter-galactic war zooming and crashing into each other for hours on end.

Having spied the disaster that we like to call the play room, I knew that dozens of Tinker Toy constructions covered every square inch of floor space.

Me: "Monkey, I want you to clean up all the Tinker Toys in the play room."

Intuitive Monkey: "Do I have to take them apart? "

Me: "You can keep two of your favorite things together, but the rest you need to take apart and put in the box."

Monkey, lower lip trembling: "But there allllllll my favorites!

*crying, pleading, begging for mercy from me*

Me: "No, you can only keep two. Take everything else apart and put it away!"

Intuitive Monkey sulks off, planning my soon-coming, "accidental" death.

*10 minutes pass*

Monkey: "Can I be done cleaning up now?"

Me: "Did you clean up the Tinker Toys?"

Monkey, smiling sweetly: "I made two gigantic robots, so I don't have anything to clean."

My five-year-old had found a way to completely thwart my intentions while, at the same time, perfectly obeying my instructions. A true politician.

I couldn't be mad at him. His solution was too ingenious not to be appreciated!

Renaming My Children

No. I am not renaming them in real life. Usually, I refer to them as either j1 and j2, or as oldest one and youngest one.

Very Clinical.

Almost as if I am running a secret laboratory, brimming with brightly colored fluids bubbling and brewing away....and these two boys just happen to be my experimental subjects. And, I guess in some ways they are. I get to try my hand at perfecting various mothering techniques, forming and shaping their ids with my shaky, clumsy parental lobotomies as I swing from loving mother to woman in search of the nearest exit from the crazy train.

But, I digress.

So from now on, I will hereby refer to the offspring of my loins as..........

um.

I got nothin'.

Let me think.

What two words or phrases would encapsulate the very essence of these strange beings??

Still got nothin'.

*crickets chirping*

*days passing by in time-lapse photography*

*polar ice melting and flooding Florida*

OK! I've got it!

J1 is now renamed The Concrete Rationalist.*

J2 is now renamed Intuitive Monkey.*

* all names subject to change based upon the future whims of said "mother."
No claims, guarantees, or promise to consistency shall be enforced.