TSA Promotional Bumper Stickers

So bad...so funny!

Humanities in the Real World

HT: from DH's reading of InsideHigherEd

My grandmother seems to swing wildly between seeming as if she's on death's door and seeming as if she's just fine. I never know what I'm going to find when I visit her.

Today, while we were waiting for her lunch to show up so that I could help her eat, I asked her if she wanted me to read her paperback out loud to her.

She thought that would be a great idea.

Poor Grandma.

She missed all the sex scenes in her Trashy Supernatural Romance Novel.

I can't read the phrases "growing manhood", "scent of their lovemaking", and "burning lips" in front of my 86 year old grandmother....at least not without laughing hysterically.

Who'd have thought that I would have to censor my elder's reading material?

Tuesday Funnies

This first video is a creative retelling of 2nd Kings 2:23-24, in which Elisha calls down she-bears to attack 42 youths who were making fun of him.

It does have some crude/offensive language....but it had me laughing hysterically. Oh and it's a little gory too!

Sure to offend most normal people.



HT: Exploring Our Matrix

To get you into the Christmas Spirit, a lovely rendition of O' Holy Night. Truly breathtaking. Be sure to listen for the big, show-stopping ending.



Don't gush with gratitude for my pointing this out to you. You're welcome.

HT: Jim West

Death Star Truthers

HT: Exploring Our Matrix who gives an HT to Scotteriology

Spiders on Drugs

(slight language warning towards the end)

I feel really stupid that it actually took me a while to catch on to this as a joke.

see more puppies

Reason #2,567 for having children

For the comic relief:

Hot Dog

see more puppies

Entitled..who me?

They Start Off So Young Nowadays

This past weekend was spent with my in-laws.  I had arranged for us to have a family portrait done to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary, so our immediate family and my sister-in-law's family went up to visit and prepare for the photo shoot.

My mother-in-law, being the wonderful grandma she is, decided to get a few games for the boys to play while we were up there. She picked up a checkers game from a local garage sale in her retirement community.

After unpacking the game, The Rationalist came up to me with a couple of checkers in his hand.

"Why do these have pictures of clothes on them?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Look...they have shirts, pants, underwear, bras.....why are there pictures of clothes on the checkers?"

"Uhhh....I'm not sure.  Bring me the instructions."

He picked up an old, withered paper and brought it over to me.

Strip Checkers--it read.

My mother-in-law is corrupting my young children.  

Those retirees.....you never know what they're up to in their Active Adult Communities.

What Now?

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

The money quote is at 2:06...had me laughing out loud.

Watch 'til the end to get the funniest parts.

HT: http://bobhyatt.typepad.com/bobblog/

mmmmm....Cake.

Just for Laughs

This is the sign right outside my mother's house.




Apparently, all the children in her small town dress like elves.

So, What Are You Saying?

Intuitive Monkey loves color. He loves design, as much as a 6-year-old can, anyway. He spontaneously comments on my clothing choice, especially if I am dressed up or have done my hair differently. He'll say he likes my skirt, or that I look pretty today.

He also has definite ideas about his own hair and clothing. He has refused to wear certain things just because he doesn't approve of them. Right now, I am trying to explain that he's not old enough to have a mohawk yet--maybe when he's in 6th grade. It's cute to have a mini fashion maven in the house....yet brutal too.

The other day JC Penny sent me a Mother's Day ad along with a $10.00 gift card. Monkey looked it over intensely, debating what he might get me for Mother's Day. He pointed out the purple, satin shirt and said,"Oh...I like that shirt. It's pretty. I think it would look good on you. That dress is pretty, too."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh...you should get it."

"OK....I'll keep that in mind."

With a furrowed brow," Well...I don't know....it might not be for you."

"Why not?"

"I think it might just be for skin-girls."

"Skin-girls? What do you mean?"

"Well, all these girls are skinny. I don't think that shirt would fit you."

"......oh?"

"Yeah.....see how small they are? You're wider than that."

Me, unsure whether to laugh or cry...."uh-huh...you know, they make more than one size."

"Oh....that's good. Then maybe you could wear it after all."

I don't know if I should be irritated that my son already has been influenced by print ads, or depressed that I have been placed into the "wide" category in his mind.

Hey, when is that treadmill that I'm getting going to show up, anyway?

Here's a look at the skin-girls.



heh.

Important Tip

When visiting a store, filled with Holiday shoppers, try not to inadvertently dress like the employees.

While at Target, DH was approached several times by people with questions, looking for help.

He was wearing a red polo shirt and khaki shorts.

The last incident involved an actual employee--a young girl with a Target shirt--telling him she had put things in the back and would be in later. She finished her speech and left, unaware that she had just told a customer things her boss will probably want to know.

hehe..

Expanding Vocabulary

Intuitive Monkey has been hard at work at school, adding daily to his profound and vast phrase book.

The latest additions:

"Holy Cow!"

"Hold your horses!"

while in a fitting room with his brother who was trying on a new pair of pants:

"I'm going to look away so that I don't have to see your wiener!"...laughing hysterically

um....ok then.

Handwriting On The.....Hand?

I sent The Rationalist into his room to do his homework--writing his spelling words four times each. He kept popping in and out of his room, distracted and not really wanting to focus.
Back and forth, in and out, he went. First, he asked where the pencils were. Two minutes later, did I know where the eraser was? Not long after that, did I remember to look at his fundraising magazines. His mind flitted from one thing to the other as he took his time to do his work

The last time he came out, he noticed something on his hand.

"What's this?" he asked while scrutinizing his palm.

""Who wrote on my hand?!"

"What do you mean?

"There's writing on my hand. I didn't do it!"

I looked at his hand and saw faint pencil marks, making out barely-there letters.

"I think you must have put your hand on your paper. The writing rubbed off on it."

He thought about it for minute while inspecting his hand once more.

"No...I don't think so."......pause....."I think it's a message from God!"

"...a message...from God..."

"Yes!" he giggled and ran back to his room.

Maybe I can get God to tell him to clean up his room and chew with his mouth closed. I think I have a pen around here somewhere.

Marriage Advice

For all those singles out there:

"If you find a girl you like, ask her to marry you. But she has to like you too. They won't let you marry her if she doesn't like you. You'll have to go with your second choice."

--The Rationalist, age 7

Love? Thy Neighbor

God, were you really serious about that whole "love your neighbor" thing?

I mean, really, have you met my neighbors?

You know, the ones whose son used to smoke pot with his friends in the front yard, during the day, while my kids ate lunch in the kitchen looking out the window to the front yard, wondering what all that smoke was from.

You know...the son who had the cops banging on the front door shouting, "We know you're in there! OPEN THE DOOR....NOW!"

The same neighbors who mow two feet over into our yard. Every. Single. Time. They. Mow.

The same neighbors who can't seem to tell by the fence and the fact that their lawn mower is literally two inches from the walls of our home, that they are on our property.

The same neighbors who decided that having a real, live rooster in their backyard in a crowded subdivision would be a great idea.

You didn't literally mean neighbors, did you? Can I just love my grocer and dentist instead?