Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Road Trip Recap and Words of Advice

1. It is possible to travel 2300 miles round trip with a six-year-old and eight-year-old without killing either one of them, or yourself.

However, not screaming at them, or issuing idle threats, while they wrestle and throw pillows at each other as you're trying to drive through a pouring thunderstorm, pinned between two semi-trucks going 70 mph, is impossible.

"Don't make me pull over this car!"

"You will lose your Wii and TV privileges for a month if you don't cut it out!!"

"You will lose your Wii, TV privileges, and outside time for 2 months if you don't stop NOW!!!!"

You won't leave your room or see the light of day until school starts if this behavior doesn't STOP IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

"I will suck the oxygen out of the car, and not let you breathe another lungful of air if you don't CEASE AND DESIST THIS VERY MINUTE!!!!!!!!

These incidents were brief, but always seemed to come at the worst time.

2. OK. If you live in, or near Atlanta, we need to have a little talk.

Now, I know it probably isn't you personally, but I'm willing to bet your family and friends are terrible drivers. Not the don't-know-how-to-operate-a-vehicle kind of bad drivers, but the tail-gating-the-car-ahead-of-them-at-80-mph-while-swerving-through-three-lanes-of-traffic-without-signaling-and-talking-on-the-cell-phone, or smoking a joint like one mullet-headed SUV driver next to me, kind of bad drivers.

You know it's true, just admit it.

I have driven through many major metro areas, but Atlanta is the only one that make me white-knuckle my through it with visions of multiple-vehicle, fiery, car crashes.

3. Rest areas are your friend. Use them every chance you get and don't believe any child who says they don't need to--they're wrong.

4. Even kids get tired of McDonald's after a couple of days.

5. When staying in motel rooms, try not to let the 20/20 special you saw about bed bugs, and germy sheets play over and over in your head. You'll never sleep.

6. Add an hour and a half to any estimated time Mapquest gives you. Their travel times are only accurate for robotic machines that can fly over traffic jams, never need to refuel, eat, or use the bathroom. If you are a robotic machine, disregard this advice.

7. Drive defensively. Assume everyone else on the road is drunk, having a heart attack, off their meds, or driving with a six-year-old and eight-year-old throwing pillows at each other in the back seat. It's the only thing that explains the craziness you'll encounter on the road.

4 comments:

Musicguy said...

My dad used to take his hands off the wheel (drive with his knees unbeknownst to us) and threaten to crash the car if we didn't behave ourselves. That worked for quite a few years until I realizd he was still steering, just not with his hands.

Musicguy said...

HAHA! I just read #5. G and I don't go anywhere without checking under the mattress and behind the headboard before we go to sleep. I've actaully had to start taking benadryl when we're in a hotel because I'm so paranoid now!

terri said...

Driving with his knees....now that's just mean!! :-)

f4ithaware said...

2. OK. If you live in, or near Atlanta, we need to have a little talk.

Now, I know it probably isn't you personally, but I'm willing to bet your family and friends are terrible drivers. Not the don't-know-how-to-operate-a-vehicle kind of bad drivers, but the tail-gating-the-car-ahead-of-them-at-80-mph-while-swerving-through-three-lanes-of-traffic-without-signaling-and-talking-on-the-cell-phone, or smoking a joint like one mullet-headed SUV driver next to me, kind of bad drivers.

You know it's true, just admit it.

I have driven through many major metro areas, but Atlanta is the only one that make me white-knuckle my through it with visions of multiple-vehicle, fiery, car crashes.


OK, so I quit reading when my old computer died and lost all my links. But I've found you again and have managed to catch up with all that's transpired.

I live in Atlanta. No! I do no drive like that but I can assure you that if it was not for the Grace of God there would be a lot less people driving here. That sign that says 55. It really means 75 so of course that means drive 85 to most of the people here.

You live on Windy Hill? Oh! you've been there for 15 years and you still have not figured out which lane you need to be in to exit there. At this particular exit there is 7 lanes and ALL fo these people love top wait until the last moment to get off. *) mph and cuts across 7 lanes only to lock up their brakes cause the traffic is backed up.

Enough of that though. You got the general idea when you came through.

Was so sorry to read about your recent bout with cancer and the break-in. But it appears/seems that you've pulled through quite well. Was glad to read that.