Sunday, July 06, 2008

Me: 0, Chemo: 1

Chemo is totally kicking my butt.

I wish I could say it was all in my head, but my achy bones, constant fatigue and the ever-present sensation that I might be sick at any moment counter that thought--that, and the fact that I have slept more than I thought humanly possible.

I'm having a hard time with it mentally. Localized pain and surgery, though drastic and no picnic, were much easier for me to deal with. Somehow the nagging flu-likeness seems worse to me than losing my breast. Trauma, emergencies, one-time events; I can deal with them pretty handily. Knowing I am going to have go through this another 3 times over the next three months somehow seems more depressing and overwhelming to me.

I just want to feel normal.

Time, please pass quickly.

4 comments:

MInTheGap said...

My Pastor went through Chemo, and the first few days were the worst, but then it got better as it approached the next treatment. So there is room for hope.

Do you go for multiple days of chemo, or are you done after one?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, but maybe the sleeping more than what seems humanly possible is a blessing. Maybe it's the body's way (as well as the mind's) of taking care of itself. Just a thought.
Anyway, I'm hoping the time passes quickly for you as well.

-gina-

Assistant Village Idiot said...

Perseverance takes greater courage sometimes. Chronic pain or illness can undo the finest personalities. Your ability to stand back and look at yourself objectively is a gift of grace, though it is not always a comfortable one.

terri said...

Thanks, everybody, for your kind words!