Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Chock Full of Goodness

OK. America has just discovered abundant natural resources that will revolutionize the medical field and the US economy.

Scientists at the University of Oslo, in Norway, have found a way to find adult stem cells in the discarded fat of liposuction patients. Dr Phillipe Collas states:

“It’s wonderful, we have litres and litres of material from cosmetic
surgery clinics and end up with bucketfuls of stem cells to work with,”


Bucketfuls, people! We are sitting on a gold mine, literally sitting on our most precious natural resource!

America is the land of opportunism and entrepreneurial spirit. We can take our current obesity crisis and turn it into a renewable source of bio-tech profits. Instead of cattle ranches teeming with cows, we can create large warehouses filled with couches, big screen TVs, and an endless supply of potato chips and Ho-Hos. Every plastic surgeon from here to Beverly Hills can found stem cell removal schools with all the unemployed cattle veterinarians as their students, supplementing the educational sector.

It's a win-win! We're fat, have lots of extraneous stem cells, and don't want to change our behavior. Why fight it?

Pizza lovers of the world...Unite! Ask not what your country-ham can do with you; ask what you can do with your country-ham....save civilization..that's what you can do.

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