Sunday, December 14, 2008

Devil in the Details

Dear Costco,

I have been a member at your super, giant-size store for at least 6 years now.  I pay my $50 membership fee every year. I dine in your food court. I am nice to the sample ladies and only ever take one sample...even if it's something really yummy. I return my shopping cart to the designated area when I am finished shopping.

I have been kind and thoughtful to you all these years.  

You can imagine my surprise at your passive aggressive attempt to push me to the limits of sanity.  

First, you replace your normal milk containers with mutant-shaped containers that leak every time you pour from them.
  
Need a tablespoon?  It spills.  Need a cup of milk to drink?  It spills.  Need to pour milk into the little kitty's bowl? It spills.  It leaks.  It dribbles.  It drips.  It slops.  It splashes.  

Every. Single. Time.

For months I stopped buying milk from you, so annoyed with your "new", "storage-friendly" containers that I was willing to pay an extra $0.50 at a normal grocery store.....you know...the ones that don't sell 5 pounds of bacon as one unit.

Now, as if making the task of pouring milk sheer hell wasn't enough, you openly mock me on the container.
 

TILT AND POUR SLOWLY--it says.

Gee, I never thought of that.  It never even entered my cerebral cortex to try that.  Tilt.....and pour....slooowwwly.  Hmm

How did I manage to make it all these years without my milk containers instructing me in the proper physics of milk, surface tension, and gravity as they all work together to bring me a tall glass of milk?

Thank you for pointing out the error of your customers.  Now, instead of simply thinking you came up with a crappy design, we can rest assured that the fault lies squarely with us and our inferior milk-pouring skills.

Yours Truly,

Terri

1 comment:

Assistant Village Idiot said...

An old girlfriend of mine used to deal with poorly designed containers by intentionally dribbling down the side and holding her cup underneath the bottom. It looked great when she did it. I tried for years and never mastered it.